I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
