Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
