I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
