she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
