this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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