sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
