I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
