Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
