I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
