We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
