so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
