They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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