Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
