so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
