so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
