Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
