There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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