I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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