you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
