Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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