Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
