pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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