I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
