I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
