I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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