So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
