He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
