Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
