My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
