where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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