Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
