If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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