I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
