i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
