a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
