Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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