we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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