Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
