So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
