This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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