Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm passing your future prison.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
