Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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