hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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