Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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