I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
