What a fucking waste of an outfit
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
