We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
