Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
where are my eyebrows?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
