The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
