forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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