I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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