I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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