I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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