I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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